Why Am I Still Single? 10 Possible Reasons You’ve Been Single For A Long Time
If you’ve been single for a long time, it can be tempting to perform a self-critique and analyse why you’re still single. You could either grow really desperate, buy a bottle of wine, and ask the question, “How in the world am I STILL single??”; or you can brew a cup of coffee and answer the question in a cool, composed and objective manner.
The answer will still be the same, of course: you simply don’t know.
There is no need to worry, though. We’ve all been there; we’ve all asked the same question, and we’ve all been faced by the same agonising answer that isn’t really an answer but is enough to get us through the night. Just about.
But okay, what is the real answer then?
Well, actually there are 10 possible answers. So before you call up your friends at midnight in order to seek an answer, take a look at our 10 possible reasons you’ve been single for a long time.
And if they fail to satisfy you, feel free to call your friends.
Preferably not at midnight, though, because they will tell you THAT is why you’re still single.
1. You’ve Developed A Negative Mindset
The truth is that very few of us get along with negative people. Okay, it’s within everyone’s rights to complain about things now and then, but if you’re the kind of person who moans about literally everything, you’re going to find it hard to find and keep a man. The truth is that negativity is off-putting; particularly if you go out on a date, the guy wants to see some positivity and enthusiasm. He doesn’t want to hear that you think the world is going to end in 2020, and if it doesn’t you wish it would.
2. You Don’t Prioritise Your Love Life
Is work the dominant force in your life? Perhaps the gym is your master and your family always take precedence before anything else? This is all well and good, but it ultimately means that you’re way behind with the dating game. Whilst everyone else is going on 5 dates a month, moving in together and getting married, you’re hitting the dating scene once every 6 months and you’re not calling the guy back because you lost track of time. Hmm, better start making more time for that dating scene.
3. You Believe You’re Not Worthy
You’re really happy that your friends have found the love of their lives. Aww, they really deserved that, didn’t they? You turn to look at yourself, and you believe you somehow just don’t deserve a man as great as the ones they’ve got. But why don’t you? Of course you deserve a great guy! Believe in yourself and your many qualities, and you’ll be surprised at what happens.
4. You’re Looking Too Hard
If you’re actively pursuing love like some huntress, you’re not going to find it. Love just can’t be tracked down like a missing cat; it has to find you. It’s a cliche, but it’s true. I’ve seen way too many girls go through hundreds of dates on dating sites in a bid to find the One. It’s just draining.
Naturally, you can’t also sit around twiddling your thumbs waiting for love to appear through the window. To get the right balance, we suggest being social, going out and meeting people. But don’t show yourself too desperate.
And definitely don’t spill your drink on a hot guy “by accident” before saying: “We must be soul mates.”
5. You Care Too Much About Individual Qualities
Don’t like the way your date likes to talk about football? Perhaps he doesn’t laugh enough or loves his hair too much? Well, is it really a big deal? The reason relationships – and especially marriages – succeed is because of the quality of the relationship, as opposed to the quality of him or her. Okay so he’s not got any common sense, but in the long run this could become something you laugh about, as opposed to grow annoyed at. Be willing to take a chance.
6. You Lack Self-Respect
What we mean by this is that you don’t respect yourself enough to set up boundaries. If every relationship you’ve ever had has ended as a disaster, it could be because you were not firm enough with the guy and allowed him to “break the rules”, which invariably left you emotionally scarred and drained. And because of this, you’re now finding it hard to build up a level of trust strong enough to let a man back in. To remedy this, we suggest creating boundaries and having standards. Remember you deserve being treated with love and respect.
7. You’ve Got Commitment Issues
People who have commitment issues tend not to realise they have commitment issues, and when they’re pressed about them, they get defensive. But you should take a look back at your past relationships and find out how long they were. If they were all less than six months, there is definitely something wrong. And if one of them was over a year, you should analyse the relationship and find out if you were always looking for a way out and was ecstatic when it was finally over.
8. You’re Too Picky
– You like him?
– How about the other one there?
– Are you kidding me?!
– Well, what about that guy there, the one with the beard.
– Come on, I’m eating here.
If this convo sounds familiar, it’s probably because you’ve been single since the seventies. Rather than looking for Mr Right, why not just open your mind a little and be willing to consider guys who don’t match you unbelievably high standards?
9. You’re Too Independent
Yes, independent women are great. We love them! Sadly, though, men fear them. Not all guys, of course. But men love to be mothered by us women, and if you’re too much of a free bird who isn’t able to devote all your attention to them, they might not want to come near. Sad but true.
10. You’re Too Smart
This is depressing, but in some cases it’s true. Men just love to be right, and if you’re right more often than they are, they’re not going to like it. You know, if you’re the kind of girl who can show them up in front of their friends by explaining how they’re just plain wrong regarding a subject, it’s going to damage their ego, perhaps irreparably.