10 Tips on what to do if your ex can’t get over you
A break up is never easy, but it can be made ten times worse of your ex doesn’t just seem to have got the message and sometimes that situation can get scary too. If you are getting bombarded with text messages and phone calls from an ex who won’t leave you alone, you may have to take steps to stop it and it’s best to do that sooner rather than later, before it gets out of hand or it starts to really impact on your life. Here are ten ways to tackle the ex who just seems not to be able to get over you.
1. Don’t feel guilty
You took the decision to end the relationship and you no doubt had some very good reasons to do that, so don’t, under any circumstances, start to feel guilty about it. You have done nothing wrong; it is your ex that has a problem, not you. You will have to stand firm about this and stick to your guns. You will be doing him a favour too by making him realise that the relationship really is over.
2. Don’t give him any hope
If he is still besotted with you, it is quite likely that he will be looking for anything that he can to read as a sign that you might get back together, so be careful that you don’t give him any false hope to cling to. You won’t be helping matters by saying things like, “it’s a trial separation”, because he will hang on to that and never leave you alone until he understands the truth.
3. Talk to him calmly
Try to explain to your ex, firmly but calmly, that the relationship is over and that you don’t want to see him again. If he is pestering you, tell him that his messages and calls are upsetting you and ask him to stop. Your first step should be trying to appeal to his better nature and making him understand that the relationship is over.
5. Ignore him
Once you have made things clear to him, don’t feel that you have to answer any of his messages or calls. The longer he doesn’t hear from you, the more likely it is that he will start to accept the situation. Block him on social media and mark his email address as being spam. This is one situation where inquiring a person might actually make them not go away.
6. Stay out of his way
You should also try to av0id bumping into your ex at his usual haunts. You shouldn’t have to become recluse just to avoid him, but you could try to avoid going to the places that you know he might be for a while. It does seem a bit unfair that you should be the one to change your habits because of his behaviour, but it might be for the best in the long run if you do.
7. Let other people know what is happening
Let everyone you know what is going on, and that will stop them giving out any information as to your whereabouts if your ex asks them. Friends will also be able to give you some support through what is probably becoming quite a difficult time. With a bit of luck, if your friends tell you ex to leave you alone too, he might just get the message at last.
8. Tell him straight
If you have tried ignoring him and you’ve talked to him about it and he still won’t leave you alone, then it might be time to have a bit of a more serious word with him, because this could now be verging on stalking. No one wants to make matters worse for someone with a serious case of heartbreak, but if you feel at all threatened, you do need to take some action. Talk to him, or send him a letter and explain that his actions are unacceptable and that he doesn’t stop you may have to take appropriate action to make him stop contacting you.
9. Be prepared
In by far the majority of cases, a persistent ex doesn’t mean you any harm, they just can’t get over the fact that the relationship is over. For your own peace of mind, though, it wouldn’t hurt to take a few sensible precautions to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with your ex, like making sure you are with friends if you are going to be out late, or even carrying a personal alarm with you.
10. If you feel unsafe, tell the police
Your personal safety is of the utmost importance, so, if you feel that your safety is being compromised at all, you should inform the police straight away. Stalking is a crime and don’t be afraid about reporting it because the police have seen it all before and they will understand.