How To Stop Arguing With Your Boyfriend?
Every relationship has its “moments.” You know how it goes: The first few weeks are blissfully romantic and you couldn’t even imagine screaming at his pretty face lest you upset him. He’s just too lovely! All you want to do is cuddle him, massage him and kiss his face.
As the weeks pass, you realise there are things about him that just get on your nerves. By now it’s not just totally okay to scream at him; you could even picture yourself throwing something at him! Pretty face or not!
Arguments happen. Sometimes it’s just a little thing that causes us to flare up, and sometimes it’s an accumulation of things. But arguments are terribly depressing and they can wear a relationship down. If you’re looking to stop the constant fighting with your boyfriend, let’s take a look at 10 ways to do this.
Stop Bringing Up The Past
In the summer of 2010, you were pretty annoyed when he chose football over that concert you’d both planned to go to. He was all up for it at first; indeed, it was him that had bought the tickets!
But then the World Cup happened and his team got through to the final. Naturally, the final took place on the same day as the concert, and he had to choose. You knew he’d choose the concert.
Only, he didn’t. He chose football.
5 years later, and you still can’t forgive him for it.
“Remember that time you made us miss that concert,” you’ll casually say to him as he gets ready for work.
Guys hate it when you keep bringing up the past. So let sleeping dogs lie, okay?
Accept His Flaws
Another tip on how to stop arguing with your boyfriend is to simply accept his flaws.
Okay, the guy has his flaws. Perhaps he still can’t manage to sort his ditzy head out and pay bills on time, or perhaps he has no willpower and can’t stick to his diet.
Instead of constantly berating him over his flaws, why not just accept them? Maybe he simply can’t change, no matter how hard he tries? Flaws are faults in our patterns, and often we wouldn’t be us if we got rid of them.
Take Time Out
Arguments can get really out of hand if we keep sniping at one another without pausing. When we’re in the amidst of a really explosive argument, we just want to keep on going until we’ve ripped the other persons head off. We’re not satisfied until we’ve made ourselves hoarse.
This just makes things worse and solves nothing.
When you feel an argument starting, it’s much better if you take some time out. Perhaps go for a walk or do some cooking. Removing yourself from the theatre of conflict gives you a chance to cool down and think rationally.
Find The Root Of The Problem
Another tip on how to stop arguing with your boyfriend is to find the root of the problem. Perhaps it’s time to take a moment to reflect and find out why you two argue so much. What do you argue about the most? What starts the fighting?
Every argument has a cause, and they could all be linked to the same root in your case. Only once you have found the root cause can you start taking the right actions to sorting out the problem.
This is not easy, and you might even need to see a counsellor who can help you out. But finding the cause is important.
Admit Your Responsibility In The Arguments
Another important tip on how to stop arguing with your partner is to admit your responsibility in the arguments. I know, I know. He causes all the arguments. It was his fault for coming home late last night that you argued. It was his fault for not paying the bills on time. It was his fault that you got so upset this morning even though it’s that time of the month.
It might be time for you to start admitting your role in these arguments. What part do you play? Is there more you could be doing to stop these arguments from happening? Do you flare up too easily every time he makes a mistake?
Sure, he might be doing things wrong, but is there not a better way for you to deal with his errors?
Ask If This Is Really Worth Fighting About
Think back to all the arguments you’ve had with your man. Were they really worth fighting about?
I once had an explosive argument with my boyfriend because he bought a coffee to drink inside the coffee shop when I wanted him to get a take-out one, so we could go and meet my friends. Looking back, it was an incredibly silly thing to have a showdown about. It wasn’t his fault because I hadn’t told him my plans, but it annoyed me that he ordered the coffee so quickly without consulting me first.
So just ask yourself: Is it really worth me starting a fight right now?
Don’t Make It Personal
Next tip on how to stop arguing with your man is to avoid making things personal. Once you get personal, the gloves have really come off and it can be hard to recover. People get hurt and nothing actually gets resolved.
Try to stay rational, and if you must argue, make sure that your words don’t impact on him too much.
Stop Saying “But”
Every time you say “but,” the argument continues.
“But you did this.”
“But I didn’t say that.”
“But that’s not what happened.”
Enough with the buts already. Even I’m getting flustered now. “But” just extends a fight and makes it worse. Lose it and the arguments will shorten and perhaps even disappear altogether.
Make A Joke
This is one of the simplest, yet effective tips on how to stop arguing with your man.
A really easy way to defuse an argument is to make a joke about something that is happening in the present. Perhaps he’s spat on you by mistake, or maybe his nostrils are flared. Making a joke about something like this lightens the mood and brings you both back to earth.
You realise that it was silly to argue in the first place and that all that tension was unnecessary.
Actually Listen To Him
One of the reasons arguments get so out of control is because we simply don’t listen to the other person enough. We’re desperate to have our say that we forget to listen to what they’re saying. Moreover, we have preconceptions about what they’re saying so that we only hear what we want to hear.
It’s time to give them their chance to talk and it’s time to actually take on board what they’re saying.
How to stop arguing? What are your best tips?