How to make marriage work?
You’d have thought that living with a person, day in and day out, would bring you closer to each other, but sometimes that is not the case. It’s actually not at all unusual for people in long term relationships to experience periods when they feel disconnected from their partner and, sometimes, even begin to feel lonely. If that sounds something like what you are going through right now, that feeling of disconnection can be ho,rrible, but it can be overcome. Here are ten tips on how you can rebuild that feeling of a connection with your partner in a marriage and how to make marriage work.
1. Take a look at yourself first
It’s oh so easy for both parties in a marriage to blame each other for a lack of connection and do nothing at all about it themselves. The first step to rebuilding the bonds that you used to have is to look at what you might be doing wrong that has made you grow apart. Someone has to make the first move to fix this problem and the best way to do that is to look at yourself, rather than simply blaming your partner.
2. Talk about it constructively
Have you tried talking to your partner about how you feel? You probably haven’t, because communication is usually lost with the connection too. Find a time when you can sit down quietly with your partner and discuss your feelings with him, but avoid turning the conversation into a confrontational blame game. Tell him how you feel, not whose fault you think it is.
3. Listen to him too
This is another important tip on how to make marriage work. If you are going to reconnect, you are going to have to be receptive to what he has to say too, and some of that might be quite painful. Pay full attention to what he says and try to understand his point of view. If you lead by example, hopefully he will take on board what you have to say too.
4. Talk about everything
After you have both been at work all day long, it’s quite easy to fall into a routine of eating a meal, switching on the TV and then both of you simply switching off from one another for the rest of the evening. Talking about what has happened in your day is an important part of being connected, so update each other and talk about what is going in your lives outside of the relationship.
5. Don’t just accept the status quo
You don’t have to accept that you have lost the connection, it can be regained. When you become disconnected from your partner, that disconnection can kind of feed on itself and, unless you both do something about it, it will only get worse. Apathy in a marriage is dangerous, so don’t accept the status quo, work at fixing the problems that exist and work on it together.
6. Open the door for meaningful conversations
If you are going to reconnect, you are both going to have to be honest with each other and have meaningful conversations. Let your partner know that he can come to you with his problems and he can open up to you. Encourage him to talk more and don’t shy away from the tricky topics. It really is true what they say that a problem shared is a problem halved, so you may both have to open up more and trust in each other more if you are to rebuild the connection.
7. Make time for the marriage
This is one of the most important tips on how to make marriage work. If you have read this far down this article, then your marriage must be important enough to you for you to want to do something to make it better. If that is the case, then you should make sure that you both make time available for each other and you make your marriage a priority. You really do need to get some quality time together and talk more. It’s only through talking that you will be able to rebuild that close feeling that you once had.
8. Stop arguments in their tracks
When you feel disconnected from your partner, there will often be a lot of petty arguments too. Try to focus more on the important things about the marriage, rather than the fact that he left his socks on the floor again. If you do find yourselves bickering about petty things, try to bring those arguments to a halt quickly, or they can just become habitual and you won’t have the time to talk about more important things.
9. Try to reignite the romance
As well have meaningful conversations, you should also try to have some fun together too. Go out on some dates together, like you used to, and take a few weekend breaks somewhere nice. If you have really grown distant from one another, it may feel a bit awkward to begin with, but you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to reignite that spark when you are having a good time together.
10. Don’t give up hope
There are so many people who have separated or divorced who secretly regret that they didn’t try harder to fix their problems so, if it’s what you truly want, don’t quit too soon and at least try to heal any rifts that have formed between you and your partner. Remember; marriage is never easy for anyone, but the people that do stay together are the people who are prepared to put some effort into making their marriage work.