How To Healthily Handle Ending A Long Term Relationship?
Ending any relationship can be hard. But a long-term one, where the two of you have shared so many memories and invested so much time and effort, that always seems impossibly hard. It’s an emotional time in anyones life, and there is no easy way to break it off with someone who’s been such a major part of our life for the past few years. We look for clean breaks, but no one gets away without tears, a few fights and pleas to give it one final chance. It’s hard, and we won’t suggest for one minute that this will be easy. However, the fact that you’re reading this means you know you need to do this. Perhaps inside, you’ve already moved on. To make sure that the relationship ends as painlessly and as gracefully as possible, there are certain things you can do. Let’s take a look at how to healthily handle ending a long term relationship.
You need to be realistic about this. It won’t be easy. There is a good chance that there will be tantrums from the other side, anger, hurt, and all kinds of other emotions. Perhaps your partner will beg you to give this another go. Perhaps, in their anger, frustration and sorrow, they will accuse you of things. It happens. Often, the person who is being broken up with doesn’t consider how hard this is for the other person. In that moment, they lack empathy. They see themselves as the victim and you as the villain. You need to expect this, and prepare for it. Be realistic about how this is going to go down. If you’re determined to end things for good this time, make sure you don’t waver from your decision when the going gets tough. They will try to get you to change your mind, so it’s important that you remember what your aim is.
Pick The Right Time And Place
Is there a right time and place to breakup with someone you’ve known and loved for a long time? There sure is. With short term flings, a breakup text might not be the nicest thing in the world, but it’s not exactly poor etiquette either. It’s a fine way to call it off with someone. A long-term partner, however, deserves more than that. As well as picking the right place – somewhere you both feel comfortable with – you also need to pick the right time. Don’t choose to break up with them after work when they’re exhausted and possibly in a bad mood. Choose a time when you both have plenty of free time on your hands to talk things through. Be fair to them. Don’t break it off knowing that you or they have to leave in a few minutes. Pick a time and place where there is an opportunity to talk about things at length.
Another tip on how to end a long term relationship is to be kind. You guys have been together for a long time. As well as happy memories, there will be possessions that you shared, too. Don’t be selfish about your stuff. If there is something they’d like to keep, let them keep it. Be fair and be generous in the wake of a breakup. If you aren’t, this could easily turn into war – which no one wants.
Don’t Tell Anyone
One of the worst things you can do before breaking up with someone is tell others first, such as your friends and family. Okay, we all need someone we can confide in before we make such a huge, potentially life-changing decision. But if you must tell others, you need to be very selective. As you know, word can spread pretty fast. If you’re not careful, your plans could easily end up in the wrong hands. Pick the right people to talk to. If possible, keep this to yourself. Only you really know if it’s the right decision or not, and you partner will be super upset if they find out you took advice from someone else.
Agree On How To Tell Others
You shouldn’t tell other people before you guys breakup. But you will have to tell other people eventually. You should both agree how and when to tell your family and friends. If you have been together a while, your breakup might come as a shock to some. Agree on a story as to why things ended, and agree – as much as possible – that it was mutual. You could say something like, “we both agreed that we were moving in different directions.” Refrain from blame, keep things simple – and ensure as much as possible that there is no room for someone to say, “but what if you worked on this and that?”
You’re the one who is ending the relationship, so – rightly or wrongly – the onus is on you to stay strong and keep it together. There is every chance your partner will cry. They may even get angry and say hurtful things. If so, it’s super important that you take the high road. Be firm, be strong, and be empathetic. Don’t engage them in a slanging match. Don’t meet their fire with your own. Be understanding of their feelings, and do your best to keep the situation as calm as possible.
Your partner will have questions. “Why are you doing this? Is it something I did? Is there something I can change?” It’s important that you’re honest about your reasons for ending things. If you aren’t, you might find that they come up with a viable solution that you can’t help but agree to. Stick to your guns. Don’t pin the blame on anyone, but be honest about why you’re ending the relationship. It will help them in the long run too, as they will know what they need to work on when it comes to their next relationship.
Do you have other tips on how to end a long term relationship?