Funny marriage advice for newlyweds
The wedding season is nearly here again, so, as hundreds of thousands of couples, all around the world fret about who to invite and who not to, and they brainstorm about all fine details of their big day, here’s some funny advice for newlyweds that will help them ensure that they have a long lasting and loving marriage.
1. For him: How to make your wife happy?
The way to wedded bliss is to understand the first simple rule of marriage. True wedded harmony is achieved by accepting that there are two parties in the marriage: one who is always right and one who is the husband.
2. For Her: Don’t try to change your husband
Don’t, for a moment, think that you will change your husband into a better man. If you think that you are going to knock those rough edges off him, you are going to be very disappointed.
3. For Him: Don’t expect your wife not to change
Our next funny marriage advice for newlyweds is for husbands: it is a proven fact that a gold band on the wedding finger of a woman flicks a hormonal switch that in her body that makes her broody, mature and always right. Live with it, there’s nothing you can do about it.
4. For Her: Stop reading romantic novels
Like we said, you are not going to change your husband, so don’t torment yourself with romantic novels. You’re in the real world now, complete with smelly socks, untidiness and various forms of gross behaviour.
5. For Him: Eyes down!
Guys, you’re going to need a lot of self-discipline now. You don’t even notice other girls, let alone look at them. Well, at least, for the first six months of your marriage, and then the rule might be relaxed a little, but only for looking!
6. For Her: Toilet etiquette
Our next funny marriage advice for newlyweds will be on toilet etiquette. It is not advisable to enter the bathroom within twenty minutes of your husband having done so. Also, until your husband is fully house trained, it is always best to wear shoes, when venturing in the bathroom.
7. For Him: Toilet etiquette
Practice your aim and remember these simple rules: toilet seat goes down after use, and, when necessary, open bathroom window when finished.
8. For Her: How to tell the time?
When he says that he will be home by 11.00pm after a night out with his friends, don’t lock the front door before at least 1.00am.
9. For Him: How to tell the time?
When she asks what time you have to leave home to make an appointment, always add one hour safety margin to allow for makeup disasters and last minute ‘essential’ phone calls to friends. The only exception to this rule is when visiting the in-laws.
10. For both
The happiest marriages are not those where couples say they have the best of everything, they are those where couples try and make the best of everything that they have.
What is your favorite funny marriage advice for newlyweds?
Stay happy, love and be loved!