11 Questions to ask before getting married
Marriage is not something any of us should rush into. When you marry someone, you are essentially saying that you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with them, forsaking all others. You’re saying that you’re ready to settle down with them and devote your life to them. Marriage means obligations, commitments and dedication. It doesn’t come in kit form, but it’s something you have to work at.
Besides the usual, “Do you take such and such to be your lawfully married husband/wife?” question, there are also a few questions you need to answer before you walk down the aisle. Answering these questions should help to confirm whether you are ready to get married or not, and they should help to avoid a nasty and painful divorce that none of us should ever have to go through. Without further ado, let’s take a look at 11 questions to ask before getting married.
1. Are You Emotionally Attracted To Your Partner?
This is one of the most important questions to ask before getting married. For a lot of us, it’s necessary that we fancy the person we are dating. But when you marry someone, it’s also necessary that you’re emotionally attracted to them, too. A marriage simply cannot last because of looks alone, so you need to make sure that there are foundations here that go beyond mere appearances. If you’re not convinced that this person is your soul mate, you might want to reconsider whether marriage is really right for you both.
2. Are You Ready To Share Bank Accounts?
Lots of married couples have a joint bank account, as it helps with their cash flow. You both know your incomings and outgoings, and it makes a lot of sense in terms of budgeting. For those of us who still have an independent mind, giving up your own bank account is not an attractive proposition. If you are the kind of person who wants to be able to control your own expenditure without being told, “Hmm, we haven’t budgeted for another trip to the opera this month, I’m afraid,” you’re going to have a hard time being married.
3. Are You Really Ready To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With Them?
This is another one of very important questions to ask before getting married. Committing to just one person for the rest of your life is something you need to think long and hard about. This is the person you are going to be with forever, with no one else involved. It’s a heck of a commitment, and it’s a commitment you really need to be 100% sure of, before walking down that aisle. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are totally committed to your partner, marriage could be absolutely right for you.
4. Do You Resolve Your Arguments?
Every couple fights and argues. Some argue over the little things, such as what film to watch. Others argue over the amount of time one of them is spending at work, whilst other people will fight about the irritable things one another does. If your arguments always end in a compromise and you move on, it’s fine. But if your flare-ups are constant and they always end with you or your partner getting your own way, you might need to reconsider your relationship. A marriage is a two-way street, built on compromise, and if one of you is getting your own way all the time, warning signs should be sounding.
5. Are You Prepared To Make Sacrifices?
If you or your partner loves going to the ball game on the weekend and hitting the bars after work, you have to be prepared to give some of your vices up, once you get married. Marriage is all about making sacrifices and giving up your time to devote it to your spouse. There will be some weekends where you won’t be able to do the things you really want to do in order to spend time with your partner. This is something that will happen and you need to adjust accordingly. Are you ready to do that?
6. Are Your Beliefs The Same?
Here is another one of fundamental questions to ask before getting married: do you have the same beliefs, values and ideals? If one of you is religious and the other is atheist, you’re going to struggle to agree on many things. Moreover, if you go on to have children, your two belief systems will mean that you will want to raise your kids in two different ways. Having the same beliefs helps to avoid conflict, and it means that you’re always singing from the same hymn sheet.
7. Are You Ready To Give Up Your Dreams?
Okay, we’re not saying that marriage kills all dreams, but there are certain dreams you will have to give up. After all, you’ve got a partner and a house to support now. With this comes financial responsibilities and obligations. That super car you always wanted might have to be forgotten, as will that dream of travelling around the world. Marriage is about working towards a shared goal, and as such there is no time for huge individual dreams. Sorry…Unless you both have the same dream.
8. Do You Both Want Children?
Next one of super-important questions to ask before getting married is whether or not you both want to have kids. This one is a biggie, and it’s often the question that breaks up many previously happy couples. For a lot of us, getting married is a giant step towards starting a family. For this reason, it’s absolutely essential that you know one another’s thoughts on children, before getting down on one knee. If one of you wants children but the other is dead against the idea, there’s little point in getting married and thinking, “Oh, they’ll change their mind.” Unfortunately, they won’t. Most people know by the time they hit their mid-twenties whether they want kids or not. If they don’t or they do, they’re unlikely to ever change their minds.
9. Will You Be Faithful?
When we’re young, we’re full of energy and testosterone. We want to go out there and have a great time. We go to parties, get drunk, and we have some fun. If you’re married, your hedonistic days of kissing strangers are over. If this bothers you, and if you know deep down that you will invariably stray once or twice, you should reconsider getting married. Even just a drunken kiss is cheating, and if you know you’ll be way too tempted to embrace another’s lips, it’s probably a case that you’re not yet ready to settle down.
10. Are You Happy With Each Others’ Approach To Health?
If you don’t smoke and your partner does, it can be a deal breaker for some couples. Or, if you drink now and then but your partner enjoys getting tanked-up each weekend, it is again something else you need to seriously think about. Health is a long-term investment, and if you get the impression that only you is making the investment, you might want to either have a serious talk with your partner about their approach to their health, or you might want to call it quits. Two contrasting diets rarely work in a marriage.
11. Are You Happy With Your Partner’s Family?
There has long been a joke that the husband never gets on with his mother-in-law, but it really does matter that each of you are able to welcome and accept your partner’s family. Once married, you will have to attend their family’s birthdays, gatherings, weddings, vacations and so on. This is a big commitment, so it’s vital that you enjoy their company and get along with them.
Do you want to add something else to the list of questions to ask before getting married?