10 Tips on how to get him to do what you want without making a drama
For some reason, men just aren’t always as forthcoming with their generosity and offers of help as women are. It’s not that they don’t care or that they are lazy, it’s just one of the many things that make the sexes so different. So, how do you get your man to do more around the home and more of the things that you want him to do? Nagging is certainly not the way, because that will only get his back up and he will probably do even less for you. Here are ten ways that you can get your man to do what you want him to, that won’t end in a big drama.
1. Talk to him
The first thing you need to understand is that men respond a lot better to direct requests rather than hints, and they don’t read minds too well either. You will get a lot more done if you tell a man specifically what needs doing and why it needs to be done. If you leave something out that needs putting away, he’ll just walk around it, but if you ask him specifically to put it away, he’ll know exactly what you want.
2. Give him some time to think about it
Guys don’t take well to be given orders; they feel that they get enough of that at work. Once you have asked to do something and you have made yourself clear, leave it for a while, so he can feel that he is doing it when he is ready to. That will make him feel more like he is doing it because he wants to, and not because he has been told to.
3. Give him some gentle reminders
Another big difference between the genders is that men simply don’t know how to multi-task. You might like to think that you shouldn’t need to ask twice, but if he was busy doing something else when you asked him, you probably will have to ask twice, because he will have either not really heard you properly, or he will have forgotten all about what you asked him to do. Asking him more than once, without turning into nagging, will remind him about what you wanted him to do and it will also let him know that you were being serious in the first place.
4. Remind him about all the things that you do for him
A little, jokey reminder about the fact that you cooked the dinner last night, or that you picked up his clothes off the floor for him might spur him into action. We’re not suggesting that you play guilt trip games with him, but it’s perfectly reasonable to point out that you do your fair share of the chores and remind him that he needs to do his too.
5. Thank him when he does do things
The carrot will always work better than the stick with man, so you will get him to do what you want more often if you praise him and thank him for the things that he does do. Men fight back against any form of nagging or cajoling, but a simple “thanks for doing that” may well get you the next job that needs doing done without even asking.
6. Strike a deal with him
Everyone likes to get something in return for the things they do, so give him a deal; if you do this for me, and I’ll do that for you. Think of it as friendly bartering, rather than blackmail and that way, the whole idea will seem a lot less manipulative. Don’t let this get out of hand, though, and don’t threaten to withdraw privileges, or that will just make things turn nasty.
7. Don’t attack him over it
As we’ve already mentioned, nagging is completely counterproductive and will only lead to an argument, as will being aggressive and losing your temper with him. In fact, the more you nag and the more you shout, the more stubborn he will become and the less he will do. There is also a danger that these types of arguments become the norm and then he will wait until it reaches that angry stage before he will do anything for you.
8. Appreciate the fact that he can say no sometimes
Sometimes he may just genuinely not want to do something that you want him to do and, like it or not, he does have a right to say no. Just because he loves you, doesn’t mean that he has to do everything you tell him to, and that’s where you have to learn the art of compromise. If you want to go to go to Spain for your summer vacation and he wants to go to Italy, you might just have to both back down and go to Portugal instead!
9. Explain why it is important
You should never have to beg a man to do something for you, but if he really isn’t being fair about it, you will need to sit down and talk about the issue. Explain why it is important to you that he does do what you are asking him to do and show him that there are good reasons why it needs to be done. A rational conversation about the problem will be more effective than a heated argument.
10. Don’t make ultimatums unless you really mean it
As frustrating as it may be trying to get your man to do you what you want, you should only resort to serious ultimatums if the situation has become intolerable. If he never does anything you want him to, then there is a problem with the relationship and that needs to be addressed but, don’t threaten to leave him, just because he forgot to take out the garbage one day. That’s just unfair.