10 Things you should never say in an argument
Arguments are a natural part of a healthy relationship and every couple will argue at some time or another. The problem is though, when people argue, they sometimes lose their temper and say things that they don’t really mean and that they later regret. Things that are said, in the heat of a fight, can be far more hurtful, than it was really intended and people can say things that are difficult to take back again. Here are ten of the things that can be said when you’re mad, but that you never really should:
1. ‘You’re exactly like your father’
This one opens up a whole can of unexpected, deep rooted hurt, when you use it on a man. Men usually have strong feelings about their fathers, good or bad. If your man loves and respects his father, then you’ve just insulted someone very close to him. If he hates his father, you’ve just insulted your man in the worst possible way you could have imagined.
2. ‘I’m leaving you’
Don’t say it unless you really mean it! This isn’t fighting fair, it’s fighting really dirty and if you say it, then you should be prepared for him to hand you your suitcase. This is a really dangerous path to go down on an argument, because, if both of you are angry, then you are not thinking straight. You could get into a tit for tat, with neither of you willing to back down, until one of you actually does walk out of the door. Even if that doesn’t happen, you are going to leave your man with a lot of doubts in his mind after the fight has finished.
3. ‘My mother warned me about you’
If he didn’t hate your family before, he sure does now! This statement sounds like you and your family are ganging up on him and, apart from potentially making future meetings with your family trickier, it is also a sign of weakness on your part. It is showing that you need your mother on your side to win this argument.
4. ‘My ex would never have done that!’
Wow! Now that one is really going to hurt! Most men have hang-ups up about ex’s, they would rather not even think about them, and saying that your ex is better than your man is going to really cut him to the bone. Comparisons with any other person are best avoided, but this one should be an absolute no-no.
5. Name calling
If you have both descended to name calling, then this argument is getting out of control! Whatever your choice of word: jerk, coward, loser, pathetic and so on, they all add up to the same kind of insult that you probably don’t really mean. Not only can name calling sting at the time, it can also cause much longer lasting resentment and feelings of insecurity in the relationship, so avoid it by all means and always be respectful toward your partner, even while arguing.
6. ‘Look at the children! Now you’ve upset them too!’
If the children are crying, then put them first and leave the arguing until later. If they have not even noticed that you are arguing, then it’s a pretty low thing to bring them into it. You can’t always protect children from your arguing, but you should never use them as a weapon.
7. ‘No more intimacy, until you say sorry’
Tenderness and intimacy is another thing that shouldn’t be used as a weapon. You may not feel like jumping into bed right now, but if you place conditions on intimacy, then it’s going to lose its meaning and, in the worst case, he might be tempted to go elsewhere in a fit of temper just to get his own back.
8. ‘I knew I never should have moved in with (or married) you’
Another one that’s easy to shout in the heat of the moment, but is very hard to take back again, is the ‘I knew I never should have…’. If you are lucky then he will assume that this was a moment of anger throwaway, but it could be something that will play on his mind for some time to come.
9. ‘This was just like the last time’
If you are continually arguing about the same thing, then, perhaps, it’s time to change something, so that you don’t argue about it again. Even the slightest little thing can become a major one, if you keep fighting about it, so why not talk about it instead and work out a compromise solution that won’t cause the bad feelings to occur again.
10. ‘We need to get this sorted immediately and right now!’
If you are throwing insults and maybe even the pots and pans, then you are not going to get this sorted right now. ‘Sorting right now’ will only lead to rash decisions and you are forcing each other into corners. It will be far better to take a break for a few hours, go for a walk, go to separate rooms for a while, anything to let things cool down, before anyone tries to make any decisions.
What are other things that you should never say in an argument? Please, feel free to share your thoughts and relationship advice in the comment section below.