10 Signs Of A Commitment Phobe And How To Cope?
Many of us have got to really like a guy, only to find out that he’s a flaky commitment phobe. But what do we do about it? In this article, Beauty and Tips reveals what you need to know about how to spot a commitment phobe, as well as how to cope.
But first of all, what is commitment phobia?
Commitment phobia is the fear of commitment to anything. This means that a person isn’t just scared of committing to you and your relationship – they’re also scared of committing to things such as jobs.
It’s stressful for all involved. The commitment phobe isn’t always left with what they want, and neither are you.
The problem is that sometimes we find ourselves falling in love with a commitment phobe. Uh-oh. When this happens, you should be very careful that you don’t get hurt. Try as you might, changing a commitment phobe’s mind is very difficult. Some men are just harder to tie down than others.
Let’s take a look at 10 signs of a commitment phobe.
He’s Never Been In A Long Term Relationship
If the guy is only in his early twenties, you can probably let this one slide. But if he’s approaching thirty and has never been in a serious, committed relationship, alarm bells should be ringing.
Guys whose love life is peppered with short term flings and red hot but very brief romances are highly unlikely to change for you. This is the way they are, and they’re probably happy with this. These are bachelors who just want some fun.
Check a guys past. If he’s never been serious with anyone, tread with caution.
He Loves The Chase More Than Anything Else
He really enjoyed the chase, but doesn’t seem as interested now that he’s won you.
Commitment phobe’s are like this. They love to chase, believing you could be the One. But once they’ve won you, they lose interest. The thrill has gone.
He Doesn’t Like To Make Plans
You want to do something with him next month, but he “doesn’t plan that far in advance.” He’s the kind of guy who lives for today, and planning so far in advance with you means you’re in a serious relationship. Which he’s just not ready for.
If a guy can’t make plans, it’s another warning that he’s a commitment phobe. He doesn’t like getting locked into something, but wants the freedom to do things on a whim. Women are often the opposite.
He’s Always Got A Reason For Not Wanting To Get Married
He’s young, good looking and successful. But he’s not married yet, doesn’t seem to want to get married and doesn’t want kids.
And his reasons for not settling down are really odd and make no sense. Like, he’s a nihilist or marriage “contaminates” love or something.
He Uses Modifiers
You ask him if he wants to do something and he says “maybe.”
You ask him if he’ll be home early tonight to see you and all he can say is “probably.”
He’s just not sure about anything, because he hates the idea of committing to something.
If your man can’t give you definite answers about anything, it’s another sure sign that he’s got commitment issues.
He Says You’re Clingy
All you said was that you miss him and want to spend more time with him, and he said you’re clingy and desperate.
Not cool. And it also means that he’s the one with the issues. He just can’t commit.
You Don’t Know Where You Stand With Him
Where is this relationship going? How does he feel about it?
If you can’t get a clear answer from him regarding your relationship and how he feels about it, it’s yet another warning sign that he doesn’t want to commit.
At first, you were probably okay with going with the flow with him. You were prepared to take it easy and not pressure him into talking about the relationship. But as the days wear on, you want to know where you stand. And if he can’t give you a clear answer, but instead continues to insist you’re just having fun, it’s time to consider that you might have a flake on your hands.
He Moved Quickly
You were surprised at how fast he moved to win you over. It’s the classic tactic of a commitment phobe. They strike with lighting speed, have some fun and then move on.
He Finds It Hard To Express His Feelings
Sure, he has his moments where he tells you that he really likes you. Maybe he’s even said that he loves you once or twice. But he doesn’t say it no where near often enough.
He likes intimacy but in a different way to you, and he doesn’t want you to get close to him. It’s another sign that he’s got commitment issues.
He’s Caught Between Two Worlds
You know that a part of him really would like to commit. But the moment you guys get too close, he gets scared.
Then, he tells you he misses you when he hasn’t seen you for a while.
So, How Do You Cope With A Commitment Phobe?
It’s very hard to convince a commitment phobe to settle down. But it’s not impossible. You just need to get smart about it.
Make sure that you give him enough space. Don’t suffocate him. That’s the last thing he needs and wants. He needs you to give him some time to think things through and come to the right decision.
You should also talk to him about your feelings. Get him to open up. Try to understand why he fear commitment so much, and show him what he’d be missing out on if he didn’t commit to you and the relationship. He will throw himself into the relationship at first and then back off. It’s your job to handle this part and understand where he’s coming from.
But most of all, you need to keep your expectations in check. If you have high, unrealistic expectations, the disappointment will be crushing. But also, you may find that you push him further away when he doesn’t meet your expectations and you express frustration.
Do you know other warning signs of a commitment phobe? Feel free to share them in the comment section below.