10 Mistakes To Avoid During A Breakup The First Time You Get Dumped
The first time you get dumped is a painful experience, but it’s also something of a test. You’re basically challenged to see how you’ll react. Will you beg for them to take you back? Will you pretend it doesn’t bother you, before gorging on beef jerky while watching Netflix? Or will you go traveling in South America to “find yourself”, before getting lost in the jungle?
Being rejected for the first time can be emotionally scarring, and for this reason it’s oh so easy to make a series of mistakes. You feel betrayed, broken and not good enough, and as a consequence your emotions are going through the roof. But to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes as everyone else, let’s take a look at 10 mistakes to avoid during a breakup the first time you get dumped.
1. Don’t Beg For Them To Take You Back
Please take me back!
Oh, go on!
Okay, here’s the deal: once someone has dumped you, they’re not going to take you back. It’s over, yeah? No amount of begging or cash offers will make them change their mind. If you beg, you’re not going to convince them you’re the one for them, but you are going to make yourself look seriously needy and quite pathetic.
I know that’s a blunt way of putting things, but sometimes we all need to be a bit blunt to drive a point home. If you beg them to take you back, you will only regret it years later when you look back and think, “Gee. Did I seriously do that? Gaaaawd!”
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
The first time you get dumped is the hardest. You take a long, hard look at yourself and think that everything is your fault. You question yourself, and you think you’re somehow not worthy. Was it you that messed things up? Did you do something wrong? Perhaps you’re just a totally rubbish person?
The truth is that first relationships sometimes fizzle out quickly, and you have to accept that it can take a while to find the right one. This one just didn’t work out; it’s no use blaming either you or them. Just accept that you had a bit of romance, had some laughs, and now it’s time to move on. No big deal.
3. Don’t Shut Yourself In
Okay, you don’t want to see anyone. You just want to shut yourself in your room, lock your door and close your curtains. And eat and drink and play sad music and bawl your heart out and scream their name and ask WHY GOD?!
Whilst this is one way of trying to get over a relationship, it’s totally the wrong way. Isolating yourself just leads to tears and depression. Instead, you should get yourself out there, try something new, take some risks and hit the town with your friends. Fresh air and good vibrations are what you need right now.
4. Stay Away From Facebook
One of the easiest ways you can tell when someone who has just been dumped you for the first time is when they suddenly start making lots of noise on Facebook. They haven’t made a status for a year, and now they’re making 20 a day.
They’re basically looking for attention, and they’re in a very needy “woe is me” state of mind. You need this to not ever be you. It will only represent a source of embarrassment when you look back at things a few years later, because not just one or two people can see your meltdown – hundreds of people can see it. Even those “friends” you added 5 years ago but have never spoken to. They’ll now think you’re a needy mess. You don’t want that, do you?
5. Don’t Stalk Him
You should also avoid Facebook in case you stalk them. When we’ve been dumped for the first time, it’s also too easy to take to Facebook every five minutes to see what they’re up to. It’s as though you want to make sure that they’re miserable too, and that they’re not seeing anyone else.
This just makes you even more miserable, and it stops you from moving on with your life. Moreover, the minute you see a status about them going to the cinema you start to panic and suffer a full-on meltdown. Who are they going with? Are they going on a date? I’ll kill them!
6. Don’t Offer To Be “Just Good Friends” After Five Seconds
You’ve been dumped, so it’s highly unlikely that they’ll want to hit the friend zone straight away. They want time apart from you, not time at the cinema with you as a friend. Sure, you can still be friends but you have to give these things time. Don’t start texting them “as a friend” after the breakup, because you will only annoy them and damage any chances of future friendship. Give yourselves some space and time apart.
7. Don’t Keep Mementos Of Your Relationship
We’re not saying that you should destroy every single physical reminder of your relationship, but if you’ve still got all your photos on your phone, as well as every single gift they gave you in your room, you’re only going to be setting yourself up for an emotional fall.
The best thing you can do to help you move on from that very first break-up is to get rid of the strongest reminders of your relationship. Change your profile picture on Facebook, delete some of your photos and hide away the gifts. It’s time for a change, so do it!
8. Don’t Jump Straight Into Another Relationship
It’s hard to move on, especially when you’ve just been dumped for the first time ever. One of the ways some people try to move on is by jumping straight into another relationship. We call this a rebound and it rarely ever works out. You’re essentially using someone you don’t really fancy to help you get over your ex.
This can go wrong in so many ways. The new person could end up crushing on you badly, and you may well get yourself into a very sticky situation that confuses your unstable mental state even more.
9. Don’t Close Yourself Off To New Romance
If you walk around with a “can’t touch this” sign to all potential dates, you’re going to be closing off the opportunity for an exciting new romance. Whilst we said just now that diving straight into a brand spanking new relationship is a mistake to make, closing yourself off entirely to everyone is another mistake to make.
See, sometimes you know when someone is a rebound. You ferociously chase a new date, and you jump at the first thing that comes along. Potential new romance, however, is totally different and you know it’s different. So rather than give yourself 5 years to grieve your first relationship, keep your doors open. Just not too wide, of course. You don’t want to be letting the rebounds in, after all.
10. Don’t Take A Break From Fun
Don’t feel like going to the gym this week? Not really feeling a night out? We know how you feel, but you’ve got to pull yourself out of this malaise and drag yourself out there. If you stay indoors and miss out on the things you normally do, you will only regret it a few weeks later when you’re over your ex and you’re behind with things.
If you really shouldn’t miss gym this week, go to the gym! And if your friends are heading out for a big night out, go with them! Avoiding your usual activities means you’re losing out despite the fact that your ex has moved on. It’s over now, so there’s no reason you should punish yourself further.