10 Mistakes Newly Married Couples Should Avoid At All Costs
Your wedding day is meant to be the happiest day of your life. It’s the day you’ve spent the last few years dreaming about, and everything is going to be perfect. You’re marrying your very own Prince Charming, and you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with him. Bliss!
The thing is that marriage doesn’t come gift-wrapped. It comes in kit form, which means that you and your husband have to work at things. And in a marriage there are often just as many lows as there are highs. As much as we’d rather keep a marriage drama-free, the reality is that this is just not always possible.
However, there are several common mistakes married couples make which ensure that their marriage gets off to a bad start. The good news is that these pitfalls can easily be avoided.
Get your marriage off to an awesome start by avoiding these 10 mistakes:
Mistake 1: Focusing On What’s Wrong As Opposed To What’s Right
They say that there is no truer saying than life is what you make of it. But what does this phrase actually mean?
It means different things to different people. Personally, I interpret it this way: If you focus on the bad stuff in life, your life will be negative. If you focus on the good stuff, your life will be much more positive.
It sounds so simple. Yet so many newly wed couples fall into the trap of getting annoyed by their partners failings. It’s kinda natural. Often, when we get married we are also living with our partner for the first time, and as such we are only just getting to know his real habits.
But instead of focusing on his penchant for lying in on a Sunday morning until noon or having a few beers after work when we want him home, why not focus on his good qualities a bit more?
Mistake 2: Neglecting Kind Gestures
When you first dated him, you couldn’t stop showering him with kindness.
Can you say the same now that you’re married?
Mistake 3: Insisting On Being Right
This is a big mistake that many of us make. And sometimes we prefer to be right than in love.
Sounds silly, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, too many spouses are so insistent on being right that they compromise their marriage.
Look, it’s not important to always be right. Sometimes you have to apologise even when you know you’re right. Why? Because a relationship is so much more than being right.
Don’t take the low road all the time. Accept that mistakes happen. Accept that sometimes it’s okay not to be right – even if you are.
Mistake 4: Getting Too Comfortable
Is comfort a bad thing in a relationship? It depends how we look at it. Being comfortable with one another is perfect. But getting so comfortable that you stop putting in the effort? That’s a bad thing.
Once you stop putting the effort into your relationship now that you’re married, the fizz disappears. The excitement goes.
Don’t get too comfortable. Keep things edgy and spontaneous.
Mistake 5: Failing To Talk About Finances
Your money is no longer just yours. You can no longer take a cavalier attitude to savings and spending. You MUST talk about your budget with your partner as soon as you guys tie the knot.
Trust us, arguments about money are the most explosive type.
Mistake 6: Splitting The Chores 50/50
It makes a lot of sense to split the chores 50/50, doesn’t it? It’s fair. It means there can be no resentment because you’re both doing the same amount of work as each other.
But splitting the chores 50/50 just doesn’t work. And here’s why:
Splitting the chores like this means you end up keeping score just to make sure you’re not being swindled. And whenever you think you are being cheated, you say so – and arguments begin.
The idea is flawed from the start because it’s so hard to quantify. How do you know when you’re both doing 50% of the chores? You might think you’re doing 50% – but they might disagree.
Instead, it’s much better to each do the tasks you know you’re good at.
Mistake 7: Failing To Give Them Their Space
If you adopt a “we’re married now therefore you’re mine and you have to spend all your time with me” attitude you’re going to kill your marriage before it’s even started.
Sure, you now “belong” to one another. You share wedding rings, houses and maybe even bank accounts. But it doesn’t mean you have to do absolutely everything together.
It’s important that you still give him some space. Let air into the relationship by doing things independent of one another.
Don’t insist that he has to be back by such and such a time. It will only make him feel trapped. A marriage is based on trust. Give it to him.
Mistake 8: Mind Reading
A funny thing happens when we get married – we turn into mind readers! We assume we know our partners so well that we don’t need to ask them what’s up – we know what’s up.
No, we don’t. Assuming without asking or talking things out leads to misunderstandings, which in turn can lead to lasting bitterness and resentment.
If you are not 100% sure of something, always ask for clarification.
Mistake 9: Expecting Them To Be Just Like You
We all take to marriage differently. Marriage is a big step in anyone’s life, and although you two are taking the step together, it doesn’t mean you’re going to think and act in exactly the same way.
Look, there will be disagreements about how to do things. Their habits and expectations of marriage will probably vary to yours. Don’t expect everything to be absolutely perfect and harmonious. If you do, you will only find it difficult to react when things don’t go your way.
Talk to each other about things. If you have concerns, raise them. But always listen to what they have to say.
Mistake 10: Avoiding The In-Laws
You might not like your in-laws, but your spouse loves them. And they need you to try to get along with them. Avoiding your spouses family will only create cracks in a marriage.