10 Lessons we can learn from our past relationships that didn’t work

Many people think that a relationship that hasn’t worked out is nothing more than a failure on their part. They dwell on what they might have done wrong and they look for someone to blame. Though breakups are always painful experiences, you do gain from them too. You learn more about yourself and learn more about other people. It’s easy to dwell on the negatives of a failed relationship, but if you try really hard, you will be able to see the good that came from it. In time, you will be able to look back and see that you learned some valuable lessons from every relationship that you have or had. Here are ten of those important lessons that can be learned from past relationships.

1. You can’t ever own another person

Just because you are in a committed relationship, that doesn’t mean that you own the other person. Even though we use possessive terms like “my boyfriend” or “my husband”, people can’t be possessions. A relationship that didn’t work out can teach you that people have choices and, however you feel about them, you can’t control what they feel, or what they do.

2. You learn how important communication can be

When a breakup happens unexpectedly, people often say things like: “But I thought we were happy”. You can’t be a mind reader and you can’t expect your partner to be one either. A breakup can teach us the importance of both talking and of listening. Proper communication is the only way to understand another person’s feelings.

3. Boredom is dangerous

Life can get really dull if you let it and many relationships end because they have become too much of a boring routine. A failed relationship can teach us not to become complacent and to be aware that to keep a relationship alive, you need to keep it interesting.

4. A partner does not make you complete

Having been with a partner and lost them can also teach you a lot about yourself. For one thing, you can learn that you don’t have to be in a relationship to be a complete person. Your happiness is not dependent on another person, it is dependent on you. You don’t have to be one half of a partnership to be a whole; you are a fully rounded person in your own right.

5. The honeymoon period doesn’t last forever

We also learn that the wonderful feelings that you have when you first get together with someone don’t last forever. Once the initial excitement has fizzled out a little, you then have to start to work on a relationship to make it last. You learn that there is a need to share and to compromise, and that relationship doesn’t necessarily always run smoothly.

6. You can’t do all the loving by yourself

One of the more painful lessons that you can learn is that, no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make them love you back. It really does have to be a two way street and if it’s not, no amount of love and affection on your part will change that.

7. It teaches you that you are not perfect

A broken relationship can also make you take a good, critical look at yourself and it can be a bit of an eye opener to your own bad habits. Whilst no one should beat themselves up over their mistakes, it’s no bad thing to at least recognize that you made them. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, the important thing is that we learn from them.

8. It teaches you to show your appreciation for what you have

You don’t only need to be grateful for that fact that you are loved; you need to show that you appreciate the fact too. A breakup can teach us how important it is not to take somebody’s love for granted. Everyone needs to be appreciated and to know that they are loved in return. Just saying thank you, occasionally and I love you, is all it takes.

9. Everyone needs time to themselves

You might also learn that being in love doesn’t mean that you have to spend every waking hour together. You need to have your own dreams and ambitions and not base your whole life around another person. It is much better to treasure the moments that you have together, than to get bored of each other.

10. You need to have control over your own life

Whether you are in a relationship that has lasted a long time, or are just getting over a relationship that didn’t work out, it is always important to realise that you should be the one in control of your own life. Sometimes it can take a failed relationship to teach us that the most important person that you need to take care of is you.

Stay happy!

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