10 Things Only Blondes Understand
Blondes have cultivated more stereotypes than anyone else. Yet it somehow seems unfair that just because you have blonde hair, you’re assumed to be exactly the same as everyone else who has blonde hair, including Pamela Anderson who got married in a white bikini. I mean, if a blonde movie star is getting married in a bikini, we all get married in white bikinis, right?!
But there are far more problems that blondes face, than simply being asked how dumb they actually are, and whether they get married in the nude. Indeed, blondes as a collective face a daily struggle against many issues that go way beyond stereotypical prejudices. And if you’re blonde, you’ll know exactly what these are. So let’s take a look at 10 things only blondes will understand.
1. Everyone Assumes You’re Dumb
Somehow or another, it became a thing to assume that all blondes are dumb. Whether this had something to do with Hugh Hefner surrounding himself with a harem of giggling blonde girls, who felt that hanging out with an old man would somehow further their career, we’re not too sure. But in 2015, all blondes are still paying the price for something that happened thousands of years ago (or 20 years ago, who knows?). Or perhaps it’s still happening!
Unfortunately, whether you get a job with a high flying law firm or whether you win the Nobel prize, folk everywhere will raise an eyebrow or two, and look God smacked to see you vanquish all preconceptions. Because, you know, you’re blonde and you’re supposed to be dumb and all that.
2. Everyone Assumes You’re Shallow
Yup, blondes everywhere are assumed to be shallow. Again, we can thank pop culture, bad movies, and Playboy bunnies for this. Wherever there is a good looking woman saying something shallow, she seems to always be blonde. Which means all blonde women are shallow, right?!
Okay, glad we got that one sorted. Because, you know, all blondes are the same and think the same way. Hey, it’s the way God made us.
3. People Take You Less Seriously Than Anyone Else
“I’m gonna go and read a book.”
“No seriously, I’m gonna go and sit in the garden and read a book.”
“Haha. Don’t be silly. The game is on.”
“I’m going to go and read a book, I’m telling you!”
“I said haha twice. Don’t make me say it again. Now, sit down.”
4. Chlorine Is A Nightmare
Your friends have invited you to the pool for a swim, but you seem nervous and hesitant.
“What’s the matter? Why have you turned pale? Want some water? Hey! SOMEONE GET HER SOME WATER! SHE’S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!”
Chlorine is a blonde’s worst enemy, as it basically can turn your hair green. Yet what are you supposed to do at a pool party, wear a shower cap and look like a freak? There’s only one thing for it – anti-chlorine shampoo. Sigh.
5. You’re Not Expected To Have Body Hair
We’ve all seen that look our boyfriends have given us when they’ve finally seen all of us.
“Wow. I just didn’t expect you to have any body hair. Wow. Sorry, give me a moment to compute this. I need to sit down, give me a chair please.”
What were they expecting? We’re blonde, not hairless cats!
6. The Sun Basically Hates You
You know how it is: you’re having a ball with your friends at the beach, but after a few hours you’re getting nervous. You check your watch and realise that the hours are ticking by and you’re outstaying your welcome. If you hang around any longer, your hair is going to turn white. But no one wants to go home yet.
So what can you do? Make your excuses and leave on your own? Say that you’ve just spotted and old friend on the other side of the beach? Paint your arm red and pretend you’ve got a heat rash? The sun is pretty annoying for blondes. We want dark clouds and rain!
7. Eye-Makeup Is A Drag
Eye-makeup is a total drag for blondes, and offers up conundrums all the time. Our eyelashes are blonde, which means we have to wear mascara, but at the same time eye makeup can make us look like a racoon. Which is not cool. So what do we do?!
This is not to even mention our eyebrows, which are either non-existent or darker than the rest of our hair. Geez, you just can’t win.
8. People Are Full Of Questions
“Do you dye your hair?”
“Do you dye your face?”
“Are you really a natural blonde?”
“Are you really natural?”
“Are you a dumb blonde?”
“Do you like brunettes?”
9. Shedding Is Terrifying
Okay, everyone sheds hair. Blondes shed, brunettes shed, gingers shed, and even teenagers shed. It’s just a fact of life and nothing to worry about. After all, it doesn’t actually mean that you’re balding.
But shedding is somehow more terrifying if you’re blonde, because you can’t actually see the hair. This can cause a major freak out when you can’t decide whether that clump of hair on your arm is actually hair or a spider. We’ve all been there. Scariest moment of your life.
10. You Tend To Stick Around Fellow Blondes
Weirdly enough, blondes do tend to form cliques, mostly without actually realising it. This is largely down to the fact that there are so many things only blondes can understand, as it helps to encourage bonding between fellow blondes.
So what happens is that your circle of friends could contain 3 blondes and a brunette, with the brunette feeling left out. After all, your chat centres around blonde things, such as how to prevent grease, how to get the right colourist for highlights, as well as the worst blonde joke you’ve heard that week. Blondes tend to stick together. We don’t mean any harm, it’s just the way it is.