8 Tips for those who find flirting difficult

Why is there so much flirting advice out there, have you ever wondered? It’s because very few people are born with the full set of skills in this respect. Flirting is a kind of language and it has to be learned just like German or Spanish. The good thing is that if you’re a fast learner, you won’t need a lot of time before you conquer all men around you. The bad thing is that it all starts with confidence, and that’s the main problem of people who find it hard to flirt.

1. Be confident

That’s a unanimous opinion among men: they like confident women. Demonstrating confidence, however, could be a tough gig if you have to fake it, so instead, try to develop it. Think about what’s the worst that can happen if you approach the object of your attention. Dress in the clothes that make you feel irresistible. Then just go for it: after all, flirting does not have to be totally obvious, it could be a pretty subtle affair. Here’s why…

2. Eye contact 

Looking at him and meeting his gaze is a form of flirting. You don’t even have to approach the guy, just look at him and smile when he catches your eye. How hard can this be? Well, the only hard part is making sure you don’t stare, because that would be awkward. Smile with your eyes when you catch his, hold them for a few seconds, and only then look away. Then repeat after a few minutes. Needless to say, this is a tactic for when there’s some distance between you, and it’s a sure-fire way to tell him, with your eyes, that you’re interested in him.

3. Don’t be ambiguous 

Guys like to be clear about what you want. They don’t, we repeat, do not like ambiguity even if we think they find it cute. They don’t, this bears repeating. So, when you’re interested in a man, make sure you give him all the right signals. That looking tactic is one way to make your intentions clear but you’ll have to be patient, because it doesn’t work instantly. Another is to suck up any shyness you’re suffering from and go introduce yourself. Men like attention, just like we do.

4. The verbal/non-verbal symphony

You’ve probably heard that communication is more body language than talking, and that’s true. When it comes to flirting, you’ll need to master purposeful body language and be able to chat to a guy. If you’re shy, this will need some work but you’ll be pleased to know that it all comes down to being honest, in the end. For example, laughing at a joke he’s told is okay, as long as you really find it funny. Touching his arm or leg while you’re talking is fine, if you’re fine with it, if you’re not forcing yourself. Just be natural. Natural but confident. It takes practice, that’s for sure.

5. Be spontaneous 

We may be talking about tactics and similar but if you’re to be a successful flirt, don’t plan too much and don’t think too much before you get to talk to the object of your attention. The problem is, according to psychologists, that people can feel when the person talking to them has thought about how the conversation should go and it starts sounding artificial. Artificial makes people nervous and pushes them away. So, instead of memorising your side of an imaginary conversation, just say ‘hi’ and go with the flow.

6. Listen and don’t push it

Being a good listener is essential to being a good flirt. It’s all about making it known that you’re interested in that certain someone, right? Well, one great way of making your interest known is by listening to what they are talking about. If you’re already head over heels, this won’t be hard, but you don’t have to be head over heels to flirt, remember. So, don’t interrupt with questions, let him speak, and then ask a question. Once again, this listening thing can be overdone, so watch yourself – looking too eager is a no-no, because it will make you look pushy and that’s not attractive. The same goes for too much “casual” touching, when it stops looking casual.

7. Have a Plan B 

Always have a plan B when you’re flirting with someone you don’t know that well. The reason? It might turn out he’s not as attractive as you thought at the beginning and now you’re dying from boredom. One good exit strategy is thinking up another place you have to be, a place where he’s not invited. Or have a friend call you with an imaginary emergency. You’ve watched romcoms, right? Then, when you get rid of the now not so attractive company, congratulate yourself on your superb flirting skills. See, it wasn’t that hard, was it?

Do you have other tips for those who find flirting difficult?

Stay happy!

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