10 Tips On How To Avoid Wasting Your Precious Time With Wrong Guys
Ladies, we all want to find the perfect man of our dreams. We want a fairytale ending, where we live happily ever after with the kind of guy we can imagine ourselves growing old with. We all want our Prince Charming, who will look after us, be the perfect gentleman, and who we can introduce to our parents without worrying that he’s going to steal their best China.
But the wonderful and wacky world of dating often means that we have to date a few bad eggs before we get to the pearl. It means that we have to waste our time talking to losers who we know deep down aren’t right for us. But isn’t it time you stopped wasting your precious time on men like this? It sure is! So let’s take a look at 10 tips on how to avoid wasting your time with the wrong guys.
1. Heal Your Old Scars
One of the reasons we’re continually drawn to the wrong guy is because we haven’t healed our old scars. And it is these scars that keep on drawing us to the same kind of partner.
It could be that your old scar is related to your childhood; consequently, your unconscious mind causes you to choose a guy who emotionally resembles the person who let you down at some point or another. Psychologist’s call this “Stage Setting.” And according to these same psychologists, we’re drawn to people like this because we want to create a happy ending.
2. Be Aware Of The Bigger Picture
Okay, so a guy you’re dating might have a few good qualities. Perhaps he’s a musician who can write a mournful tune that really tugs at your heartstrings and makes you cry. Perhaps he’s actually a musical genius, despite him still busking on the streets.
But you have to look at the bigger picture, and look beyond his gift. Take a look at the bigger picture; are you just wasting your time with this guy because you’re attracted to his charisma? Does he share the same ambition in life as you do? Would you be able to introduce him to your parents? Does he offer you financial security?
3. Keep A Rational Head
It can be very easy to waste time on the wrong guy. This is because, when we first meet someone we’re instantly attracted to, our hormones rule our head and heart. They go into overdrive, with the release of dopamine giving us such a rush of excitement and desire that we ignore our head that is desperately trying to scream “AVOID, AVOID, AVOID”.
The problem with our hormones is that they’re largely irrational. They cause us to quickly develop feelings of desire and love before we’ve had a proper chance to assess who this person really is, and whether he is a match for us. We suggest taking a step back to make a conscious decision that is based on your head.
4. Embrace The Single Life
One of the reasons many of us waste time with the wrong guy is because we’re terrified of being left on the shelf. In fact, we’re so scared of being single that we’ll even date the guy our cousin introduces us to, because she “thinks we’ll get along.”
His name is Colin, he’s a 44 year-old bachelor who is thinning on top, has a podgy belly, and enjoys eating pot noodles whenever he’s spending a whole day watching James Bond films.
Instead, you should be patient and trust yourself to meet Mr Right eventually. If you are feeling lonely, you could always join a club, do a night class or head out with your friends more often.
5. Avoid Physical Intimacy
Once you make love to a guy, it’s pretty much a case that you’re now an item and breaking it off is going to be a lot more difficult.
If you know in your heart of hearts that a guy just isn’t the one for you, it’s much better that you avoid all physical intimacy. Otherwise, he’s going to get too close to you and when you finally tell him it’s over, you’re going to break his heart.
6. Ignore The Sweet Talk
Even the wrong guy can charm the birds from the trees. He can cover you with charming spiel that ramps up your desire and makes you think that, actually, this guy could be the one.
But he isn’t the one. He isn’t even the two. He’s like the fiftieth. See, the wrong guys are very good at saying the right things. They’re fast talkers who have learned how to flirt and convince women that they are God’s gift. Often, though, behind the sweet talk is a shady past. We would suggest that you look beyond all the sweet talk and take a closer look at who this guy really is.
7. Learn To Say No
If you’re a kind-natured, sweet and wholesome person, it can be difficult to say “No”. This is a little bit of a problem if you’re dating someone you know isn’t right for you. Rather than end it early, you decide to string him along because you don’t want to upset him and hurt his feelings.
But by doing this, you’re just wasting your precious time. You might convince yourself that dating this Mr Wrong is better than sitting around in your pyjamas by yourself, but time spent with him is unproductive. It’s better to end things early by having the courage to tell him that it just isn’t going to work out.
8. Listen To Your Friends
Love and desire makes us behave really irrationally. It makes us behave so irrationally, in fact, that we become paranoid whenever our friends have the opposite opinion to us. Rather than listen to them when they tell us that a new guy in our life is wrong for us, we turn them into enemies and tell them they don’t know what they’re talking about.
But friends have better foresight than you do when we’re head over heels in love, and they also have your best interests at heart. Rather than push them to one side, it’s time to listen to them and their opinions. They could save you from wasting a heap of time on the wrong man.
9. Spot The Difference
There is a difference between being attracted to someone and falling in love with them. To avoid wasting time on a guy you know is wrong for you, it’s important to mark the distinction.
Sure, you could be attracted to him and you might even find him interesting; but if his lifestyle and values are totally different from yours, it just isn’t worth your time falling in love with him. It could be that he likes to travel, whilst you’re more of a homely person. If you try to convince yourself that you two could work, you’re heading for a rather nasty fall.
10. Be Yourself
Finally, it’s important that you be yourself. If you convince yourself that a man might be right for you, despite all the red flags that say otherwise, you might waste an entire year of your life on a relationship that is going no where.
Moreover, if you don’t be yourself around him, you might easily convince him that you’re right for each other too!
To make sure that you find the man whose values match yours, it’s super important that you be yourself. Even if it feels like Mr Right is taking forever to turn up, it’s much better to wait than to waste time.