10 Signs you are stuck in an unhealthy relationship
No one wants to admit that they got themselves into a relationship with the with wrong guy and, after you have put a lot of time and effort into something, it can be very difficult to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is unhealthy. Staying in such a relationship, in the hope that things will get better, can be exhausting and mentally draining, so sometimes it is better to accept the truth and move on. If there is even a whiff of physical violence, then, of course, it’s time to run, but there are also some subtle signs that a relationship really isn’t what it ought to be. Here are ten of those early warning signs that can tell you that you have wound up in an unhealthy relationship.
1. He puts you down
When someone loves you, they wouldn’t want you to feel bad about yourself, so they would never put you down or laugh at your ideas. If it feels that he never takes what you say seriously and he tries to make you feel small, then he is showing you no respect at all. Even worse than that, if he makes you feel small in public, then that is a form of bullying.
2. You are happiest when he is not around
This sounds so obvious, but it can take a while to realise that you are happier at work, or with your friends, than you are at home. If you are the first to offer to stay late at work, or perhaps to put some hours over the weekend, then this could be a sign that you’d rather not be at home with your partner.
3. You keep secrets from him
In a healthy relationship, there is absolute trust and no secrets at all. The fact that you haven’t told your partner about the guy you met at work, could be that you have a bit of a crush on the new man and, in your heart, you want to be more than just work colleagues. When a relationship is beginning to go wrong, people stop sharing things with each other and their lives begin to become separate.
4. You are not an equal partner
If your partner is making decisions without consulting you first, then that is another sign of a lack of respect. You should have an equal say in all the things that affect you and that goes right across the board, from where you will go on a vacation, to where you will live. It is especially important that you have a say in the finances, your partner should not be the only one who decides how much money will be spent.
5. There has been cheating
When a person is stuck in an unhealthy relationship, it is perfectly natural that they will seek out some love and attention elsewhere. If you have ever cheated on your partner, or been tempted to, then that must be a sign that all is not well with your relationship. Remember, too, that affairs don’t have to end up with you sleeping with another guy, it could just be an affair of the heart, feeling and emotions that shows you that you are not happy.
6. You feel trapped and controlled
No one partner should have control over the other and you should be in a relationship because you want to be in it, not because you feel that you have no choice. If you feel trapped, then there is quite obviously a real problem that is making you feel that way. If you want to, then you need to get out of the relationship and take back control of your life.
7. There is no intimacy in the relationship
If there is no romance, nor intimacy between the two of you any more, than that is a sign that the gap between you has gotten pretty big. Sex is not everything, but it does form an important part of most healthy relationships. There should also be emotional intimacy, which means that you both feel able to open up to one another and talk about anything.
8. You argue about everything
Disagreements in a relationship are inevitable, constant bickering, though, is a sign that the relationship is becoming unhealthy. The constant picking at each other and finding faults could even be a subconscious way that you are trying to say you are unhappy. It can be difficult to come right out and say: ‘I want things to change’, or ‘I want this to end’, so people pick fights in the hope that it will lead to the end result that they really want to happen.
9. You know that you are not in love
Sometimes, people only stay in relationships, because they are afraid of what the alternatives might be. They know that what they have isn’t love, but they are scared of being on their own. If you yearn for love, but you don’t get it at home, that is soul destroying and certainly not a sign of a healthy relationship.
10. You feel abused
No one should ever accept any kind of abuse in a relationship. Physical abuse is quite obviously a signal that a relationship should end straight away, but so too is verbal abuse. If you are swearing and cursing at each other and calling each other names, or if it is only him that guilty of this, then the relationship is not healthy for either of you.