10 Tips On How To Overcome Insecurities And Feel Happier
Insecurity can kill a relationship dead. If you’re sick and fed up of driving guys away because of your personal insecurities, it’s time to find a way of overcoming them.
I’ve been there. No matter how much they reassure us of their love and how we’re the only one they’ve got eyes for, we just can’t believe it. Sure, we’re comforted for a few hours, but as soon as a girl comments on his new Facebook profile picture, alarm bells are ringing louder than ever.
“OMG. Who is she? Does he know her? Are they messaging each other?”
Feeling painfully insecure is hugely damaging, and it leaves us feeling tense and paranoid. We’re constantly seeking reassurance from our men, and if they don’t give it to us we can’t do anything else but try harder to get a reaction.
“Are you sure you love me? I just don’t understand how anyone can love me.”
If you’ve been told in the past that you’re too needy and that it pushes guys away, you would have thought by now that you’d have learned your lesson. But it is such a hard lesson to learn, and as soon as a new guy comes into your life you repeat the same mistakes, no matter how much you told yourself that you wouldn’t.
For example, past experiences have taught you not to text him if he’s gone quiet for six hours. But, you reason, maybe this guy won’t mind a bit of neediness. So out comes the classic text:
“Are you there? Do I annoy you?”
And again, you’re just pushing another guy away.
Fortunately, there are ways out. Let’s take a look at 10 tips on how to overcome insecurities and feel happier.
Try To Believe Your Man
Okay, so this piece of advice sounds a little bit trite. But how about you go back and REALLY believe him this time?
You know, maybe in the past you’ve believed him without really believing. It’s like when you were nine years old. Your mom still told you that Santa would visit on Christmas Eve, and you really wanted to believe her. But deep down, despite saying you believed, you knew that you really didn’t.
But guess what. Believing that your partner is telling you the truth is not as wildly fantastical as Santa Claus existing. You don’t have to suspend your disbelief and stretch your imagination. It’s totally plausible that your man is telling you the truth when he says he loves you. So quit being so negative, and put a bit of trust in him.
Find Ways Of Building Up Your Confidence
Read books, downloading podcasts, and model yourself on other people. Insecure people need a jolt of confidence, and the good news is that confidence is free for everyone. So go and get some!
Be Mindful Of Your Thoughts
When we’re insecure, it can very easy to let our thoughts overrun us. We become obsessed over who he is texting, and whether or not he really is still messaging an old hot friend of his.
Don’t fight your thoughts, but also don’t water them so that they grow taller. Acknowledge their existence, but then sit back and wait for them to leave your mind.
Thoughts come and go. Remember, thoughts are not reality, and they should not be allowed to harm you.
Be A Bit More Independent
Don’t put all your eggs into one basket. Sure, he’s a big part of your life, but he should not be the ONLY thing in your life. If he is, you’re going to feel pretty listless, anxious and consequently insecure during the moments when he’s busy.
Stop With The Comparisons
“How can he fancy me when his friend Harriet looks like that?”
Sound familiar? Comparing ourselves to other girls is a common trait among those of us who are insecure. We don’t necessarily compare ourselves to celebrities, but instead aim our comparisons at girls that our partner could realistically date.
“Harriet has brains, is pretty and funny. So why has he never dated her? What have I got that she hasn’t?”
If you look hard and long enough, you will find many girls that are prettier and smarter than you. But he doesn’t want what they’ve got. He wants that special something you’ve got which sets you apart from everyone else.
It’s the only way to explain why anyone dates who they do. There is always someone prettier than our partner, but it doesn’t matter. They haven’t got that special spark that draws us to our partner.
Talk Things Over
If something is making you feel really insecure right now, the best thing to do is to talk it out with your partner.
Be Prepared To Lose Them
Okay, this piece of advice might sound a tad crazy, but hear me out.
When we fear something, such as death or losing our partner, we get a bit insecure. We mitigate our risks and do things that keep us safe. To avoid death, we might avoid activities that seem too risky to us, but which others love doing – such as sky diving.
And to avoid losing him, we might do things that make us appear irrational, such as constantly asking where he is and not giving him any space. We want him all for ourselves, and we’re terrified that as soon as he’s out of our sight, he might meet someone else.
Accepting that one day you might lose him can actually help you to overcome your insecurities and worse fears. Because, hey, you really might lose him. But you know what? It might not be as bad as you think it will be.
If you don’t believe me, write down 10 positive ways you would deal with losing him. Try to imagine that an awesome life would still be possible if he did leave you.
Remember That Guys Have Female Friends
Some guys even have LOTS of female friends. Does it mean they bed them all? Absolutely not!
Don’t get paranoid each time a girl texts your man. Just remember that you have guy friends, too. It means nothing. You’re the one he wants.
Focus On Your Awesome Qualities – Believe In Yourself
I asked my friend a few years back if she was the jealous type. She said to me: “No, I don’t get jealous. I get AWESOME.”
I thought it was a really refreshing to say. My friend was awesome, and she knew it. So why did she need to feel insecure that her guy might meet someone else more fabulous than her? In her mind, there was no one was amazing as she was. And she was right.
Instead of focussing on reasons why he might leave you, focus on what sets you apart from everyone else. Remember your amazing qualities and double down on them. Show them off at all times. Remind him why he fell for you in the first place.
Remember, “It’s His Loss”
You are awesome. Yeah? So if he does give you the impression that he’s interested in other women, don’t let it bother you too much. Just remember that he’d be crazy to leave you. It would be totally his loss.
You, however, would simply crack on with life and meet someone more deserving of your love.